Everyone’s wrong about the Ka-Bar Space Force except me
Ka-Bar recently unveiled a commemorative knife just for the US Space Force, and they’ve been taking him in shorts ever since.
I hear a lot of bullshit –– some of it from my fellow Task & Purpose contributor Matt Sampson –– and I’m not going to let that go.
Blade Length: 7 ”
Weight: 10.4 ounces
Material: Cro-Van 1095 steel (blade), Blue Kraton G (handle)
First of all, some of you brains want to start things like welding steel against space, or something like that. Just one problem with that: aliens aren’t made of steel. Think carefully.
Second, let me wow you with some real facts about space. No air means no resistance. If something moves in space, it goes on forever. This means that my motivated Ka-Bar and I have an effective loss radius of infinite miles in space. Come to me. Better yet, there’s no gravity up there. This means I can carry as many knives as my man Elon can fit in a spaceship, and throw them Rambo’s way at my leisure. It’s like a video game cheat code.
“But Scott, you’re going to tire yourself throwing away all those knives,” you say.
Still wrong. In 4th grade my class did a “space week” during science and we learned that astronauts have a small snack holder and a straw in their space helmets so they can eat outside of the space shuttle. I’ll put a protein bar and a Rip-It in mine and not only will I have more energy, but the more knives I throw.
Lest you think I don’t know what I’m talking about, let me remind you a bit documentary film around the time when alien exploitation saved the planet. Or maybe you forgot about Britain declassified counterterrorism mission on the moon.
The Space Force Ka-Bar might not be the knife you wanted, but it’s the knife we need, damn it.
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